I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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