Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
