please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
