I CAN MOONWALK!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
