none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
