Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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