Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He had one of those small greek statue penises
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
