my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
