cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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