I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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