I just saw a hot homeless man
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
