his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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