I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
