i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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