is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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