He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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