I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
