She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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