I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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