He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
