so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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