It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
