Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
