I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I cockslap morals
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
