Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
