She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
