Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
