My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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