Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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