Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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