Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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