need another drink. this is the easiest way
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
