My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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