Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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