It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
