I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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