She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
a search helicopter?!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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