i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
