New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
