Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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