Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
