everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
