You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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