My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
that is very illegal...i love you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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