Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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