What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
