I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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