When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
