oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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