The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
