I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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