I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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