the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
