hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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