Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
