Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
