evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I pour the whiskey from now on
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
