after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
