With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
