well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Help me help you realize you are a moron
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
