three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
