I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
