This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
