Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
