Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she woke up with a sticky ear
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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