I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize