fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
