I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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