How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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