Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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