How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
