get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
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Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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