I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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