k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
