so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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