I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
