nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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