Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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