We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
